This week our Kosovan dream team got down to some serious wall-pummelling, turning the entire ground floor into one open space and ripping out every last trace of domesticity. We arrived home to find the kitchen had entirely disappeared, and all that remained of the bathroom was the solitary loo – which was strangely hilarious. It would make a fabulous set for a horror movie – ceiling ripped out, single bare light bulb hanging precariously, water dripping into a bucket, gaping hole in the wall… The key is to make sure all ablutions are performed by 7.50am, to avoid an awkward open plan moment with the builders.
Inexplicably, there’s also a sizeable chunk missing from the floor of the room directly above, which will become the bathroom. When we need to grab something from the fridge (which, like most of our furniture, is being stored in here), we edge our way in gingerly along the stacked planks in case we suddenly plummet to the floor below with an oven and a washing machine hot on our heels.
Cuisine these days is of the microwave variety entirely. We’ve become skilled in finding micro meals for under £1 at Morrisons (let’s not dwell on the nutritional value), and as we have no water for washing up, we’ve been forced to abandon our green credentials and buy a bumper pack of paper plates. Which, on the plus side, does eliminate those post-dinner disputes.
Our luck is in this week – a friend has taken pity on us and offered to lend us her flat while she’s on holiday for a couple of weeks. Tonight we pack our bags and head for civilisation. Maybe, just maybe, we’ll have a loo with a door by the time we get back!